I published this post in 2013, but felt the need to get it out there again. It’s for anyone who might find the info useful, but especially for me. I needed it. In-joy!
“The bottle was not marked `poison,’ so Alice ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off. ‘What a curious feeling!’ said Alice; `I must be shutting up like a telescope.’ ” ~Lewis Carroll~
Well, I did it again—fell into the victim role–the self-pity trap. I was having a great time last week as I experienced some wonderful expansions; I was on a high! Then BOOM! I crashed! “Wha’happen?” I asked, looking around from my view on the floor. Oh, dear! I had contracted, had gotten small, just like in Alice in Wonderland. I had fallen down the rabbit hole again!
Hmmm. Bummer! I had gotten pulled in by the promise, the taste of my ego; it was not marked clearly, that’s for sure. No “poison” warnings were there. But the ego has a side effect which I didn’t recognize and and did not side step soon enough. From down on the floor, what could I do? I decided to reread my own blogs.
“Did I really write that?” I asked, confused that such thoughts could come from my own mind. But of course it wasn’t really my mind, not my ego, anyway. It was spirit who had written it through me. Sitting on my bum on my emotional floor I was so thoroughly out of that space of love and gratitude that I couldn’t remember. It was as if a spell of forgetfulness had been cast over me; I was an orphaned child looking through a window where a great banquet was set up, begging for crumbs of food. But I forgot that the door to the feast is opened for all to enter, at all times.
Okay, so, yeah, you can see that I am a work in progress. I am quite thrilled with the things that are coming into my life in regards to my books and personal development, but I often find a way to party-poop on my own manifestations. I get into that place by pulling out the “yes, but…” card, convincing myself that nothing is right unless something changes or because something hasn’t changed. It’s not enough—never enough. And it never will be when I am allowing my ego to rule.
One of my teachers advised that we name our ego and treat it like a pet. After all, it has its proper place as a protector, to keep you safe in 3-D world. But it needs training so it won’t mess on the rugs and chew up the furniture in the house of your soul. I took her advice and named my ego Poppy—that’s because she keeps popping up when I least expect her.
Oh, you should know, too, that egos are notorious for being masters of disguise. It’s easy to mistake ego activity as spiritual. So when your pet ego is being very clever in its disguise, ask yourself, “Am I happy or at least at peace when I say or do this behavior, or am I trying to be right, trying to glean my worthiness by being better than or greater than?” If the answer is “no” to the first question, then it is probably “yes” to the second. When you take action through your heart, no matter how difficult it may seem (tough–love parenting is an example), if you are unable to feel happy, you will at least have the sense that what you did was what needed to be done. You will feel at peace in your soul.
Being in your heart allows you to get out there despite any perceived judgments that might come as a result. The great thing here is if you are tuned into your heart, the energy field of love, and into the field of gratitude, you feel safe and the judgments fall to the wayside. It gives you the courage to be YOU, to take the steps you need to take to care of yourself and claim your power. It opens you up so you can feel that incredible Spirit of joy, love, and infinite talents and gifts from the Universe.
Be aware, though, that contractions and expansions are part of a growth process. You’ve probably heard the Zen proverb, “After enlightenment, the laundry.” However, I have learned that when you come from the heart, which is a neutral space, there will not be the contrasts between dark and light; there will not be the judgments of either good or bad. The laundry is just as valid and necessary as the enlightenment. As the petals of a flower close in the evening, it is neither good nor bad, just right timing. So too our expansions and contractions will be felt as proper and perfect timing.
As we move more deeply into this field of manifestation that we are an intrinsic part of, it is important to stay aware of when we need an attitude adjustment. I definitely needed one this week. Check in with yourself. Then count your blessings until you feel that opening in your heart (and you will.) For now I’m back on track with my Attitude of Gratitude. I feel so much lighter, happier, and opened to what is coming my way. So then, go ahead, let yourself enjoy this incredible, awesome creation of life. Believe me, it’s a lot more fun to live life this way. Blessings!