A theme I have been working on this week is accepting exactly where I am in this lifetime.
Sometimes I have felt that the much over stated “we are exactly where we are supposed to be” could seem a bit irritating, disconcerting, and even Pollyanna-ish. But as a result of a past life regression session I had this week, I was able to open up to the truth in this statement at a very deep level. I did a session over Skype with Peter Woodbury from Virginia Beach, a past life regression therapist, also connected to the Association for Research and Enlightenment (ARE), the institute founded by Edgar Cayce in 1931. In this powerful session, I was able to remember another past life that also took place in Atlantis! (Yay! Sometimes I feel like I’m playing Pokemon Go around my past lives–Got catch ’em all… [SMILE!])
As I have passed through my developmental life stages, I’ve been dealing with questions such as “Was I supposed to make different choices in my life? Did I screw up? And what if I HAD taken a different path at a particular crossroads in my life? Would these yearnings I have not be there or would I still be questioning myself and yearning for the green grass somewhere else?” Perhaps you can relate to these type of questions yourself, how it feels to be continually pulled to another place in time or another way of being, always questioning, questioning.
As some of my readers know, I previously had a past life regression session with Brian Weiss where I relived a life as a priestess at the end times of Atlantis; as a result, I wrote my books, The Atlantean Legacy and Atlantean Echoes, based on those recovered memories. In this recent session, I recovered another past life in Atlantis, not at the end times, but more in the middle times in its existence. Again I was a priestess and, once again, the life didn’t have a very happy ending. Hmmm… At least two lives here that I remembered as a priestess in Atlantis.
Supposedly Atlantis lasted for many hundreds of thousands of years so I could have had a lot of lives there — as well could we all have had, which I believe we did.
I feel I’ve had many lives as priestesses, not just in Atlantis but in Greece and other places as well. That type of lifestyle of being highly spiritually focused at the exclusion of anything else, is so familiar and comfortable to me; I have found myself longing for those lifetimes, feeling homesick for…something. I would catch myself thinking that maybe I wasn’t supposed to live this middle class lifestyle –marriage, a family, living in a beautiful artsy college town in a Midwestern middle class life which, although challenging at times, is pretty safe and generally quite pleasant. My life feels so easy at times. Maybe I copped out, I have thought. Maybe I was supposed to take a harder road–maybe I should have made other choices. But here I am, nonetheless.
Last week, when I thought over my session, it suddenly occurred to me for some reason (perhaps because I was ready to see it!) that the desires and longings I’ve been pulled towards were not actually my yearnings for those things that once were. Instead, they were ancient memories spontaneously bubbling to the surface, like memories in a past life regression, bringing me the consciousness I need to release the old painful energy patterns from those times that I brought with me into this lifetime.
With this realization, I’ve now been integrating them into my present. For instance, the draw I’ve felt of wanting to be a nun earlier in my lifetime has allowed me to release the vows and other energetic patterns of those many lives where I’ve lived in convents. And the desire to live in an ancient time in a temple as a healer priestess has brought through the energy to allow me to work through my many lives as priestess, witch, and shaman and to hopefully integrate some of those memories and skills into this my present life.
Because of the confusion caused by those “yearnings,” I had often times found myself questioning many of my choices like moving back from California to the Midwest, or moving back from New York to the Midwest, or taking a leave of absence and then dropping out of the PhD program that I had been accepted into at the same time I found out I was pregnant, the list goes on…Actually, I never realized how much motherhood would change me. I was no longer the person I thought I would always be. I had previously been a radical feminist, and would not even consider marrying a man, let alone have one support me. But I was now in my thirties, I had fallen in love, and I wanted children!
I never stopped being a feminist, but my definition of feminism expanded. For myself, I knocked down some of the older constraints of political correctness and replaced them with the idea that as women we could do it all if we wanted to, but we had the choice to not do it that way either. Giving up my old ideas of feminism did not come easily to me, and I carried the residual of feminist guilt, beating myself up periodically about how I failed myself, how I wasn’t doing enough. That dragon would rear its head every once in a while through the years.
Frankly I never would’ve thought to see me here in this psychological space 40 years ago.
For awhile back then I lived in San Francisco and Berkeley and even lived a summer in treehouse in Humboldt County in northern California. I spent a winter in New Hampshire learning how to use a chain saw and heating with a wood burning stove. Forty years ago I wouldn’t have liked where I have now ended up. But surprise! The person I am now does like it, very much. I feel so much stronger now that I have brought these many memories up to the present and have released the charge around them. In the past life that I connected to this week, I had to make a choice between a life with my lover or a life as a priestess. I wasn’t allowed both. I couldn’t imagine not being a priestess so that’s what I chose, but it broke my heart and it broke my lover’s heart. But this time I didn’t choose the “temple” over my lover. For this lifetime, on a soul level, I’ve given myself the opportunity to see what it is like to make the choice to stay with a person for life, someone who is my friend and loves me. This time I do not have to be in constant selfless service to the Goddess. And thank Her for that!
I see now that questioning myself, of playing out alternatives in my mind, has been a way of integrating my past lives into my present. Those nudgings were not telling me that I should have done something else. No, they were just the old memories integrating into my present. I’ve come full circle and I’m thrilled. I no longer feel like I have to beat myself up because I didn’t make different choices. I can embrace this life in a way that I never could before!
The lesson I have learned from all this is about that old saying– I really get it now– that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Whatever challenges we bring into our lives presently are lessons to be learned NOW! The past is done. So let it go. Enjoy your gift of the present. Afterall, it’s all you have for it’s all there is!
Remember, there is no better gift you can give to yourself than the present!